Humans hurt their credibility in the most innocent way.  It starts when you make the decision that you want something.  That single determination gives you a psychological agenda and focus.   Thus, when you see an example of what you want, your non-verbal behavior changes.   You show greater interest.  For example, you’ll salivate, your eyes widen, your torso leans forward and your breathing speeds up.  And, when you see something that falls outside the category of what you want, your non-verbal behavior changes in a different way.   Your eyes look away, your torso leans backwards, you check your watch, your mouth shows boredom or contempt. 

When those non-verbal messages are received by another  person, that person gains the right to interpret them in any way that’s appropriate for that person.  If he/she interprets your facial expression (for example) as negative, you just lost both likeability and credibility.  It’s just that simple

What does all of this mean?  It means that you need to learn what those non-verbals feel like when you’re doing them.  That’s the first step in controlling your non-verbal behavior.  The consistency (or congruence) of all your modes of communication make it possible for someone else to perceive you as being likeable and credible.  But, inconsistency (incongruence) will most likely cause people to perceive you as fake, hiding something, unethical – or worse. 

So, what does your face say when you first meet a stranger?

– Michael Lovas